Why Men Die First
You can use some or all of the following and ask listeners for more examples. Or turn it around and get examples of how it's actually women who have it worse.

• If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race... you're a male chauvinist.
• If you stay home and do the housework... you're a pansy.
• If you work too hard... there's never any time for her.
• If you don't work enough... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
• If she has a boring, repetitive job with low pay... this is exploitation.
• If you have a boring, repetitive job with low pay... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
• If you get a promotion ahead of her... that is favoritism.
• If she gets a job ahead of you... it's equal opportunity.
• If you mention how nice she looks... it's sexual harassment.
• If you keep quiet... it's male indifference.
• If you cry... you're a wimp.
• If you don't... you're an insensitive SOB.
• If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy... that's domination.
• If she asks you... it's a favor.
• If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear... you're a pervert.
• If you don't... you're gay.
• If you buy her flowers... you're after something.
• If you don't... you're not thoughtful.
• If she has a headache... she's tired.
• If you have a headache... you don't love her anymore.
• If you want it too often... you're oversexed.
• If you don't... there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.

Tips For Buying Gifts For Men
Father's Day is Sunday. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he would not have invented jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program, your entertainment is watching him have fun!

Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink-they are earthy.

Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea Again, no one knows why.

Rule #8: Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says "some assembly required." It will ruin his special day. He will always have parts left over.

Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, Lowe's, John Deere, Valley RV Center and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what the gift is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook (but they will barbecue). Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #11: Tickets to a New York Giants game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #7 (Remember what happens when he gets a label maker?)

Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says "I love you" like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

Weather Kid
Today's Weather Kid from Epworth Preschool & Daycare was Nathan. If you want to hear the Weather Kids, click here.

Coming Up
I'll (Sean) will be at Festival on the Green Saturday, broadcasting live from 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.

On Monday we move on to Meeker and DeCliff as part of our Summer Tour 2007. We'll have tons of great stories about the area all week.

There are no guests scheduled for Monday, so you'll have to call in and keep me company!